Finding common ground at the table: How the Perspectives program can help this holiday season
With the holidays fast approaching, so are those dinner table moments that bring us together — and sometimes, the conversations that push us apart. Whether it’s a political debate with a relative or a disagreement centered around values, learning how to listen and engage across differences can make all the difference.
For that reason, our Campus Dialogue Program, housed in the Bennion Center, has brought the Perspective program to campus. The hour-long, interactive online course from the Constructive Dialogue Institute helps train and equip students to facilitate tough conversations and strengthen their ability to listen with curiosity, engage with respect, and build meaningful community—even when perspectives differ.
Beyond the holidays, Perspectives helps students sharpen their voice and broaden their view. For those leading change—whether through student leadership, activism, or everyday conversations—the program strengthens the ability to make an impact while staying rooted in empathy.
We sat down with Campus Dialogue Program Manager Josh Shulruff to explore how the Perspectives Program can turn tough holiday conversations into opportunities for understanding—and help us carry those skills into the new year and beyond.
Q: As we approach the holidays, why is it valuable to practice perspective-taking in our personal lives too?
"Many of us are intentional about practicing empathy in our classrooms or workplaces — but those same skills matter just as much at home. The holidays often bring together people with very different experiences, beliefs, and generations. Practicing perspective-taking helps us slow down and approach those differences with curiosity rather than judgment."
Q: How can the same skills we build in the Perspectives Program — like listening actively or finding common ground — help during family or community gatherings where opinions differ?
"We can all relate to conflict over the holidays. Maybe you have that uncle who loves to stir the proverbial pot when it comes to politics, or a relative whose language feels outdated, or a simmering tension with a sibling that always surfaces around dessert.
The beauty of Perspectives — and constructive dialogue in general — is that it gives you tools to engage those differences deliberately instead of avoiding them until they boil over. It helps you lean into disagreement in a way that feels productive, not explosive."
Q: What are some strategies people can use to stay open and understanding when conversations get tense?
"One thing I’ve learned is that these conversations can trigger a real fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. When that happens, our ability to listen or think clearly goes out the window. The key is having a plan for what to do in those moments — maybe taking a few deep breaths, or even saying, 'I want to have this conversation, but I need a minute to calm down first.'
Another helpful shift is moving away from trying to “win” an argument to trying to understand. None of us are going to change someone’s mind over turkey and pie. Instead of ignoring or arguing, try saying, Tell me more about that. You might still disagree, but taking the time to understand where someone’s beliefs come from makes your own perspective sharper — and shows respect."
Q: What’s one insight from a Perspectives session that really stuck with you?
"Something that surprised me is how much we tend to exaggerate how “extreme” people on the other side are. Research shows that those who are most politically engaged are often least accurate about the beliefs of people in the opposite party. If you want to test this, check out the online quiz at perceptiongap.us.
The takeaway? Just because you know someone’s political affiliation doesn’t mean you know their views. Most of us are a lot more nuanced than we assume."
Q: What do you hope participants take away from Perspectives heading into the new year?
"I hope everyone who completes Perspectives makes it a resolution to put their new skills into action — whether that’s having a tough but meaningful conversation, speaking up in class, or joining one of our Brave Conversations events in the spring."
Q: The program seems geared toward students — how can staff get involved?
"Staff can absolutely benefit from the program too. If you supervise student employees, consider letting them spend an hour completing Perspectives during work time. They’ll return with stronger communication and teamwork skills.
If you teach, advise, or mentor students, you can also share Perspectives as a resource — it’s free, easy to access, and only takes about an hour. Plus, we’re giving away free U of U beanies to the first 500 students who complete the program. Anyone who finishes by Thanksgiving will also be entered into a drawing for fun prizes like noise-canceling headphones and Polaroid cameras. "
The Perspective program is open to all university students, faculty and staff. Email
perspectives@utah.edu to learn more and enroll.